


Here With Her

by Whystickaround



Category: Grace and Frankie (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 18:45:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17208887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whystickaround/pseuds/Whystickaround
Summary: Frankie never could have imagined that this was what married life would be like, but marriage vows mean more to her than they seem to have for some certain men from their pasts, and Frankie is living every day with the reality of 'in sickness or in health'.Set 6 years post-canon.





	Here With Her

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I wanted to not include a warning but then I figured no, I better, but I'm not really going to give it away. So Grace is sick in this oneshot but there are no character deaths!

 

“Hello my name is Frankie. This is my first time here, but I’m no stranger to this kind of thing, I mean my wife _was_ an addict for most of her life. And it’s kind of crazy, you know, to think how quickly I would go back to that? To the drunken outbursts and the irritability, because underneath those she was still her, you know? It was still really her. These new versions aren’t her, I don’t know where she is most days actually.” Frankie looks around the room, tries to remember where she was going with this.

 “Uh, we just moved from a stage five to a stage six, and holy mackerel I don’t know about you guys but I friggin hate those boxy stages and all those doctors asking questions without even looking into her goddamn eyes. She’s not a stage six. She’s not! She can still feed herself for one thing, and talk! Sure her sentences don’t make much sense to me but they do to her! The anger is still sporadic and her outbursts seem to be reasonless, but she laughs so much more now.” Frankie smiles absentmindedly.

 “You know, when we first got married I remember thinking I had never seen her laugh so much in her entire life, had never seen her be so free. I wonder if that’s why this is happening, because she kept it in for so long that it broke its way out. Sometimes it’s easy to just get caught up in it, like I’ll catch her dancing or talking to a plant and the honest joy in her face makes me forget. But then she’ll look at me with those blank blue eyes, those eyes that used to hold so much depth, and the reality hits me. She’ll never be herself again. She’s a new person now. I know the doctors say that that isn’t the _right way_ to say it, but it makes me feel better. If I try to tell myself my old wife is still in there I’ll drive myself nuts trying to help her escape. But I loved her before and I still love her now, no matter who she is. No matter if she moves to a level seven. I love her. There’s no place I’d rather be.” Frankie feels a tear fall down from her face and she suddenly realizes she’s been talking for far too long. But oh man, does it feel good to finally open up to people who understand what she’s going through. She smiles awkwardly at the crowd before bowing slightly, “Thank you”, she says before sitting back down.

 “Thank _you_ so much for sharing Frankie! And welcome to the group, we’re so pleased you’ve joined us today. How long have you and your wife been living with the diagnosis?” The mediator smiles sweetly at her.

 “She was diagnosed four years ago, but it stayed at a functioning level for a long time and now it’s what the doctors say _rapidly regressing_.” She uses her fingers as air quotes and rolls her eyes.

 After Frankie, a woman speaks about her mother she’s chosen to take into her home, and a man speaks about his wife, who is only fifty-two, and Frankie’s heart aches for each and every one of them. After everyone in the small circle has spoken, Frankie checks her phone. No messages. It’s crazy how much better she’s been at not losing it now that Grace can’t keep track of it for her. It’s crazy how Frankie is now the one who has to keep track of everything.

 She walks over to the coffee table and pops two sugar cubes into her mouth. A woman who was there about her sister comes up to her.

 “Frankie, right? My name is Carla, my sister, Janice, is also a level six, but she’s been a level six for five and a half years.”

 “Wow! Does she live with you?” Frankie asks.

 “She lived with her _partner_ for the first 6 years post diagnosis but then _she_ decided she needed to live her own life. You know how flighty some women can be.” Carla says raising her eyebrows, and whatever message she’s trying to send isn’t lost on Frankie.

 “Well, I’m sorry to hear that Carmen, but if you’ll excuse me I should be getting home to my wife, because you know, I love her, and I can’t imagine wanting to be anywhere but near her at all times. It sounds like Janice deserves better than her. And maybe even better than you.” Frankie crunches down on another sugar cube for emphases before turning around and hightailing it out of there in a flash of fabric.

 As soon as Frankie gets into her car she pushes Carla’s insinuation out of her mind and fumbles with her phone, trying to get it connected to the Bluetooth; a process Coyote has patiently showed her upwards of a dozen times and it still takes her far too long to make it work. Once it’s connected she presses _call Brianna_ and pulls out of the parking lot.

“Hey mama cita.”

“Brianna! How are you?”

“Oh just living the dream, sitting in my office with my feet on the desk, martini in hand. It is my legacy after all.”

“I went to one of the meetings today, I really think you’d get a lot out of coming with me next time. There were even some men there! And one homophobic cunt.” She mumbles the last part.

“Were any of them under 80?”

“No but don’t be agist, the main issue, I suppose, is most of them are married.”

“Barely.” Brianna mutters.

“Brianna...”

“Sorry! Sorry. I’m sorry. I should come to a meeting, I mean it sounds like my own personal hell, a room full of crying old people, but yes I could _maayybe_ come at some point. But no promises I’ll be able to sit through the whole thing without stabbing my own thigh with a cheese fork. How is she today?”

“We had a really good morning. Jennifer is with her now, I’m just grabbing lunch and heading back.”

“At least she’s eating now, for the first time in her life.” Brianna sighs and it pulls at Frankie’s heart. She knows these past few years certainly haven’t been easy on Grace’s girls. It hasn’t been easy on anyone. They say goodbye right as Frankie pulls up to the Freshii by their house. She goes inside and is delighted to see Carl is working.

“Meta boost wrap for the lady of the hour please Carl, oh and a freshii green smoothie.”

 “Ahh the regular? Why didn’t you say so! How’s she doin’ today Frankie B?”

 “Oh Carl, you know how it is. Ups and downs all over the place. It’s sadly beginning to taint my lifelong love of rollercoasters.”

 “Well hopefully she’ll eat this. Keep her energy up.” Carl says as he wraps Frankie’s order to go.

 “Oh she will, you make the best wraps in town, even she could attest to that! Take care brother!”

“Frankie- here, on the house. A special chocolate smoothie with chocolate chips. Off the menu, if you know what I mean.”

“Carl you are nothing short of a saint! I’ll see you soon I’m sure!”

  
As Frankie walks to her car she feels her phone vibrate in her bra. She whips it out quickly to see if it’s Jennifer calling with an issue, but is relieved to see Bud’s name appear across the screen.

“Nwabudike! I’m just getting into my car, let me connect it over to Bluetooth.” She hears his exasperated sigh right as she pulls the phone from her ear to try once again to connect to her car. After five minutes and a lot of swearing Bud’s voice finally booms over the car stereo.

 “....to press connect on your phone not just on the ca-“

 “Got it! New record I think, I’m really getting the hang of this!”

 She can just picture Bud standing there pinching the bridge of his nose. “How was the meeting, mother?” He asks, trying to hide his annoyance.

Frankie pulls out of the parking lot and takes a right, she should be home in 15 minutes give or take traffic.

“Oh Bud! It was really eye opening! To meet so many people living lives similar to ours gave way to so much spiritual healing, I really think it would be a wonderful experience for all four of you to come at some point.”

“Brianna will never go.”

“She said she might! You know, under that hard, _hard_ exterior I think this might have affected her most of all. Mal will come for sure, she offered to come today but I wanted to scope out the crowd beforehand. Anyway, how’re my precious grandbabies doing? You’re still coming for brunch tomorrow?”

“They’re good, Allison is good. We’re still a go for tomorrow. Well listen mom, I better go, just wanted to make sure you weren’t crying on the floor of some church hall, I’m glad the meeting was good. We’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Okie dokie I’m sure Grace will be excited to see you all! Bye for now!” The phone clicks off right as Frankie pulls up to the beach house.

Frankie walks into the house and calls out, “Ladies I’m home early!” She sets the food down on the counter right as Grace comes around the corner, her eyes glaring and her jaw clenched. Before she can say anything Jennifer steps in behind her.

 “I was trying to get her to take that coat off, it’s 90 degrees in here, she’ll sweat to death.” Jennifer says apologetically.

 “Hey baby, I’m gonna help you take your coat off okay?”

 “No.” Grace growls but when Frankie reaches out for the zipper Grace lets her undo it and pull it off. She steals a quick kiss on Grace’s cheek and Grace bubbles with laughter. Pecks her back on the mouth, which earns her a smile from Frankie.

 “I missed you, did you have a good time with Jen?”

 “No.” She says plainly, as she looks down at the wrap and smoothies. Frankie shoots an apologetic smile to Jen who shakes her head, unaffected.

 “That’s for you! Are you hungry?”

 Grace waves her hand, “Well, you know you know you know you know.”

 “Okay well, just eat what you can.” Frankie places the opened wrap into Grace’s hand and Grace wanders over to the window, looking at the plants on the sill or the ocean, Frankie can’t tell.

 “So how was she today?”

 “She was good! Really! We listened to music and took a walk on the breath. She even let me paint her toenails!”

 “Wow she stayed still for that long? Thank you so much for all you do Jen. I know we both really appreciate it, even if she forgets to tell you that.”

 “Oh trust me,” Jen says, searching her bag for her keys, “My Grace days are some of my absolute favourites!”

 “Bye Grace! Thanks for hanging out with me!” She calls as she heads to the door. Grace looks back from the window. “Scorch.” She says indifferently, before taking off down the hall.

 “Thanks again! See you next week!” Frankie calls as she takes off after Grace.

 Homecare has been coming in for a respite three times a week since Grace got her level six upgrade. A service the doctors had insisted upon. The girls come for five hours every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to give Frankie some time to herself. Usually she runs errands or meets Robert and Sol for lunch. Sometimes she just takes the time to meditate or paint uninterrupted, and now she can go to these support meetings.

 Grace breezes back by her holding the toilet paper from their bathroom.

 “Whoa whoa, let’s leave that in there okay?”

“Oh? You were? Squabbitch. Say.”

 “Yeah let’s put it back.” Frankie takes it out of her hand and Grace pulls three dimes out of her pocket, suddenly reminding her of the wrap grace walked out of the room with.

 “Oh! Hun, where’s your lunch? Where’s the wrap?”

 “Well she’s comin’, she’s comin’.” Grace replies, putting her hand in Frankie’s shoulder and giggling.

 Frankie smiles and puts their foreheads together. “You absolute goof, I’ll find it, you go to the kitchen and find your smoothie.”

 She walks into their bedroom. _If I were a half eaten veggie wrap where would I be?_ Frankie could spend the rest of her entire life trying to figure out the Alzheimers brain and still not figure out why Grace stashed things where she does. Why she has such an intense fascination with certain objects; like coins, and oranges, and their roomba. How her brain could just forget things like her favourite foods, her penchant for vodka, her own children.

 

* * *

  _Frankie and Grace had only been married for a year and a month when Grace finally admitted to Frankie one night, surrounded by darkness, bare skin against skin, that she was forgetting more than was normal for even someone in their seventies._

_“It’s not like you forgetting your phone, or me getting to the grocery store without the list, it’s like sometimes I’m in the grocery store and nothing looks familiar. And for a second I can’t remember how I even got there." She took a deep breath, "I think I have a brain tumour Frankie.”_

_It had sent a chill down her spine at the time, filling her with a fear that hadn’t even fully formed yet._

_“We’ll go to a doctor okay? Everything will be fine, maybe it’s just some kind of infection. Remember how crazy I got from my last bladder infection?” She had whispered into Grace’s hair, but she knew deep down that it was more serious than that. She knew Grace wouldn’t have brought it up if it hadn’t been happening enough to really scare her._  

* * *

 

Frankie opens the first two drawers of their dresser; no veggie wrap. She scans the floor and their bed; still nothing. Then she remembered the toilet paper in her hand and walked into the bedroom, immediately spotting the brown sandwich wrap perched precariously on the medicine cabinet behind the toilet. She puts the toilet paper back on the stand before grabbing the wrap and walking back towards the kitchen.

 

* * *

  _“We got the results back from the tests, and let me remind you, we ran a lot of tests, and I’m not sure the easiest way to tell you this, but it appears to be showing a likelihood of moderate Alzheimer’s.” The neurologist had said four years ago, and despite his words he appeared to have no emotional difference to the news. Frankie had wondered how many people he’s had to tell that to this week. Had wondered if they were all as surprised to hear it as she was._

* * *

 

When Frankie reenters the kitchen Grace is nowhere to be found. But she does discover their roomba is on top of the kitchen table and all of the chairs have been moved in front of the dishwasher.

 “Grace?” She calls, and when she hears nothing back she goes into the living room.

 

* * *

_“I’ll never forget who you are.” Grace had whispered to her one night, after the first time she forgot Mallory’s name._

  _“Even if you do, I hope you never forget that I love you.” Frankie whispered back, and felt the tears building at the exact moment she felt Grace’s tears on her shoulder._

  _“Frankie?”_

  _“Hmm?”_

  _“I don’t ever want you to feel stuck with me okay? I need you to tell me that when the time is right, you’ll put me in a home. A better one than Walden Villas though please.” And she had laughed, a short hollow laugh._

_“I’ll never feel stuck with you okay? I love you no matter what. I want you here with me forever.”_

* * *

 

Frankie spots her immediately, curled up on the couch with the pillow placed on top of her as though it were a blanket. Frankie smiles to herself, sees that she had done quite a bit of rearranging with Jen. The couch was covered in cooking utensils and the cushions had been taken off all of the chairs. Grace’s jewelry box was placed upside down on the coffee table. Looks like she finally tired herself out.

She sits on the end of the couch nearest Grace’s head and lightly strokes her hair, careful not to disturb the other woman. Grace’s eyes shoot open anyway and she moves so her head rests on Frankie’s thigh.

“Hey beautiful. I love you, you know that right?”

“Right. I do, you are? I can’t not? You, yeah.”

“Close enough.” Frankie leans down and kisses her temple.

 “The kids are coming over for brunch tomorrow, is that okay? So we need to put some of these things back where they belong. But we can listen to music while we do it! And then we can take a look at those grandkid flash cards. How’s that sound?”

Grace springs up, “Sure.” She says and Frankie knows she doesn’t understand. Knows that she herself will never know exactly what Grace does or doesn’t understand. Knows that this is a journey with no light at the end of the tunnel. But as she watches Grace take a penny out of her pocket and throw it onto a cushion on the floor and then laugh heartily, looking back at her to see if she too is laughing, she knows that without a doubt there really isn't any other place she would rather be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So if you haven't been affected directly by Alzheimers then this might seem a little far fetched, but I spent 15 hours this week with a woman who has stage six and these sentences and behaviours are directly inspired by her. It's an extremely interesting disease and I thought it was interesting to take a brief look at a day in the life of these two living with that reality. Let me know what you think!


End file.
